I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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