Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i barfeds in our rink
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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