look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize