I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
