I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
