I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
