9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
