Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
