Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
