You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
