ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
