babies were throwing up all over the place
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize