I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
