Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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