i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
