Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
