Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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