i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
