She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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