Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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