Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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