Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
