im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
