I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
