pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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