Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
