Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize