maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
