Pappa wants mamma naked
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Terrible idea I love it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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