hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the condom got lost in my hair
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
