and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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