Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
