I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
