I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
