It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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