Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
