My girlfriend figured out who you are.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
