Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
