you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
