no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize