Jerry, you need to find god
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
