Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
