My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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