All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
