Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
