and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
