oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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