he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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