Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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