I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
