I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
