I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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