I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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