Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
