So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
