You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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