At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
