I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
