what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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