I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
