He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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