I should be sponsored by Trojan
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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