Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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