my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize