I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
