I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
