Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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