my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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