Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
