you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
