My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
