When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
