Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
