dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
