WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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