Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
