yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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