fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
