This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
