They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
