porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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