Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
