OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
