So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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