I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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