Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
