is your mom at the bar?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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