Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
