I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
