You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
