I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
