What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
