Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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