so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
