Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
