So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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