I puked a lego.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
