Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
