i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My liver just had a heart attack.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
