i love accidental penises.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
