After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she peed on how many people?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
