Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
